The Conservative Front

I have heard several commentators, including Rush Limbaugh, voice their concerns about the state of today’s Democratic Party. Well, it seems the Democratic Party is in great shape after all. How could it not be with all those people intent on saving us from ourselves?

First, Barak Obama has been all but confirmed as both President of the United States and the American Messiah by both American Democrats and the European Union, even despite his inability to say “merci beaucoup” correctly. Given several of his statements and the paternal advice he freely gives, it appears he has already accepted the title. Now he hopes the American people will elect him President, too!

Then Nancy Pelosi declared that she had “a world to save,” which precluded her from allowing a vote to come to the floor on drilling for oil in places where it is currently prohibited. Madame Speaker Pelosi realizes that your addiction to oil has clouded your vision concerning the fate of our planet, and has righteously intervened on your behalf. It’s not really disenfranchisement if it’s for a good cause.

Utah is not to be neglected by the Democratic elite. Bennion Spencer, running as the Democratic candidate in opposition to Jason Chaffetz, recently all but announced that he had obtained the endorsement of none other than Jesus Christ, himself.

Spencer: Jesus would vote for me!

Fearing that perhaps the word endorsement was too strong, Mr. Spencer has since backed away from his earlier claim to a more moderate position. According to Mr. Spencer, the Lord merely supports the same causes as he does, pointing to the Bible as evidence.

Jason Chaffetz’s position on immigration is impractical and intolerant, according to Mr. Bennion. We just don’t have the resources to round up 12 million illegal immigrants. I may not have heard Jason say we should round up all 12 million, but I’m sure that if Bennion says so, it must be true. After all, he wouldn’t lie if Jesus was really voting for him.

And, of course, Jesus would express tolerance for people who openly break the law. After all, they are different from us, so we should be tolerant. We should treat them differently than regular people who break the law because they come from Mexico; they might not even know what a law is.

We can trust Bennion Spencer to know the will of the Lord on the immigration issue. After all, he’s spent years shaping his political views around his religious faith. He’s so sure that he’s in tune that he’s made a new bumper sticker: “God is my running-mate.”

Mr. Spencer acknowledges that Christians think for themselves, and should vote according to their understanding of the issues. But we all know that when the Lord or one of his anointed speaks, the thinking has been done. So don’t trouble your soul with too much worrying about the elections this November. God has it all under control.