Aug
17
The Republican party has been caught red handed in a conspiracy reminiscent of the Watergate scandal. The major media outlets have discovered that the Florida hurricanes have been in fact perpetrated by Republican operatives. It seems that Jebb Bush & the GOP henchmen are to blame for creating 2 tropical storms. Due to a lack of planning it has turned into a full blown hurricane. The Bush family led by the elder George H. Bush and his cigar smoking oil industry cronies (represented by Dick Cheney), crafted this ruse to take the spot light off of the three time decorated, Vietnam War hero John Kerry.
After looking deeper into the matter, a non-partisan group hired by the Democratic National Committee has determined that not only has this taken the spot light off of Vietnam War hero John Kerry, but the hurricane has hit a disproportionate amount of black Americans causing them to be further disenfranchised.
The Kerry campaign when approached for comment, were in the process of reenacting the storm footage on a Hollywood soundstage for Michael Moore and Steve Spielberg to support their rebuttal movie. When asked how they would counter this dastardly act of the Right wing, gun toting Christian nuts… The DNC has decided to apply for another purple hart on the basis that yes, Vietnam War hero John Kerry was in fact in Vietnam, and his feelings were deeply hurt by this negative campaign tactic. When asked what Kerry would do as Commander and Chief to help the victims of the Bush Family Hurricanes… Kerry said he would “Vote against them”. When it was then explained to Kerry that there was nothing to vote against, he stated “Well then I would vote for it”.
In a poll taken after the release of this statement 99.9% of all CNN, New York Times, Abortion Clinic workers, Atheists, Union Bosses, Hippies, Gay activists and Socialist Party Members stated “Yes” they were definitely voting for Vietnam War hero John Kerry.
The other .1% said that they too, would vote for John Kerry after their status is changed from Illegal Immigrant to Disenfranchised Foreign worker status.
John Lehmann is a computer programmer and Masters Student of Information Management at UW.
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